When I was looking the answer of Intellectual Incompatibility

Many people erroneously believe that "opposites attract", and seek a partner with interests opposite to their own under the illusion that this is a good way to form an enduring bond. Partners, who get caught in this lie, often suffer painful consequences. While it is true that opposites do attract sometimes, this attraction usually doesn't hold up to the reality of everyday life and commitment.
Incompatibility remains the strongest factor contributing to breakup. Psychologists have discovered that there are certain types of incompatible relationships that are doomed to fail from the start. We call these Incompatible Relationships.

Incompatible relationships
People should be warned of the dangers of dating someone with vast differences. The following is a summary of the five most common incompatible types of relationships.

1. The Missionary RelationshipIn the missionary relationship one partner is trying to convert the other person to the faith. The common denominator of the missionary relationship is the need to justify the relationship on evangelistic grounds. For starters, how ludicrous to think that you can establish a healthy bond with someone on the basis of a hidden agenda! Unsurprisingly, after hanging on to these dead-end relationships, it's even more difficult to break it off in the end. The bottom line is that when there is spiritual or religious incompatibility - get out. It's too difficult to judge the sincerity of one's spiritual quest, when the emotions of love and romance are involved. The sacrifice is usually unjustified. Missionary relationships simply don't work.

2. Sacrificial Relationship
Some women tragically apply the mission of falling for men who are emotionally "sick and dying" for their love lives. Against all odds, they attempt to love, comfort, and take care of their lovers, hoping to nurture them back to emotional health. It reminds of a children's game -one is the nurse, and the other is the patient. If you have a tendency to hang on to needy people in order to "love" them to health, then you need to ask yourself why. Why do you have this unquenchable need to be needed? You are called to be an equal partner in a relationship, not a shrink, surrogate parent, missionary, or nurse. Sacrificial relationships may seem exciting and challenging at first, but they usually end in disillusionment. If this describes you, you need remedial work - get a life!

3. The Exotic Relationship
When two people from radically different cultural or ethnic backgrounds get together it's called an Exotic relationship. At the beginning you might be intrigued by the accent, cultural differences, and mysterious demeanor of the other person. The relationship can be based on the allure of being with someone completely different in so many ways. Sure, exotic relationships are exciting and adventurous, but they're extremely impractical. Under the best of circumstances, dating and marriage are difficult and challenging. Before you invest time, energy, and money into an exotic relationship, consider the fact that the odds of this kind of relationship actually making it one in a million.

4. Unequally aged Relationship
The hallmark of the unequally aged relationship is the considerable age gap between partners. If you find yourself saying, "Yes, sir" to your partner, then you may be in this particular type of relationships. If your partner is still telling you stories about the "good îld days" in the fifties, then this is your case. These types are usually trying to compensate for emotional insecurity, or expecting their partner to fill in for Mom or Dad. Regardless of the psychological reasons behind this trend, in most cases this substantial age difference is another example of incompatible relationships.
Unequally aged relationships provide a sense of emotional or financial security at their early stage, but eventually they hit several snags of incompatibility. Energy levels can be drastically different. Cultural connecting points such as movies, historical events, music, and past trends will also be different. These things may seem trivial, but they are extremely important when you are seeking to build a long-lasting bond.

5. Rebellious Relationship
The first sign of this kind of relationship is the need to date some¬one purely out of your 'caste'. Rebellious relationship daters choose a partner, who is exactly the opposite of everything their families would want for them. Most of the time, people engaged in this kind of relationship, are merely angry with their parents or attempting to define them¬selves as a way to establish a sense of independence. However, there are more constructive ways to deal with anger or establish independence understanding, forgiveness and maturity. Save yourself the pain and embarrassment by staying clear of any kind of rebellious relationship.

Compatible relationships
A relationship, by definition, is the connecting of people. Therefore, to have a successful relationship with the opposite sex you must connect on many levels. This is what is called Compatible Relationships. Example below shows that in order to truly connect with another person, you must be compatible on three general lev¬els: spiritual, physical, and social.

1. The Spiritual Connection
If you cannot connect with your partner on a spiritual level, your relationship is headed for disaster. What you believe about God, how you pray, which holidays you celebrate, which books you hold to be sacred, and your opinion on baptism are just a few components that make up your spiritual belief system. When you don't see eye to eye with your partner in these areas, then you are compromising something that is deeply ingrained in you. Your spirituality and how that is expressed is the most intense and intimate part of you. Tremendous heartache and frustra¬tion will occur, when two people are unable to connect and share this most intimate part of their lives.

2. The Physical Connection
Being sexually attracted to your partner is a prerequisite for a healthy relation¬ship. Having a spiritual connection is not enough. You must have that spark, that chemistry, that attraction that draws you to the person like a magnet. There must be "something" in the way that person looks, moves, laughs, speaks, or smiles; something that compels you to want to be with him or her. All great relationships have some element of chemistry, and you either have it or you don't.

3. The Social Connection
Some people often neglect social compatibility, though this very area creates lots of stresses on relationships. Social compatibility primarily concerns family patterns and social relating.
The old saying, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree," usually holds true. Who you are, and many of your life perspectives stem directly from your family upbringing. If you grew up in a home in which you received love, support, encouragement and security from your parents, then you probably have a good foundation for build¬ing a happy family. If you didn't grow up in such an environment, then you would have to work harder to develop a strong bond. Some of the important issues associ¬ated with family background are holiday customs, family rules, finances, domestic responsibilities, and rearing children.

The other area of connecting at the social level deals with patterns of relating. This dimension of a relationship covers a wide variety of concerns, including social skills, communication style, and intellectual compatibility.

What does it mean to be compatible? Well, similarities between people make life together much simpler. Being together involves compromise, and people can reach these compromises more easily when they share common values and inter¬ests. Sure, sometimes opposites can attract, but for a stable relationship bet on similarity.

source:peoplerelationships.syl.com

Boredom in Marriage

As we thought about boredom in marriage, we remembered a book written by William Doherty in 2003, Take Back Your Marriage:; Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart.; It tackles the issue of boredom.; He wrote on page 23 that “... stakes are high. We must name these forces that undermine marriage, from the small forces such as boredom to the big ones such as the throwaway consumer culture..." We won’t comment on the throwaway consumer culture – we all agree that excessive materialism distracts people and can erode basic family values.;; Doherty mentions boredom as one of those “small forces” that can affect a marriage.; To us, however, it is NOT a small force.;
Boredom in marriage is like a hairline crack on the wall until time and inaction transform it into an irreparable major fault zone.; Once the crack is too big, both husband and wife have already gone deeper into the abyss, unable to extricate themselves from a helpless situation.

Boredom in Marriage:; Possible Causes

What causes boredom in marriage?; Is it just the lack of exciting sex or does aging have something to do with it?; For some couples, it could just be sex – a common complaint no doubt.; For other couples, it may be the lack of intellectual stimulation or what others call intellectual incompatibility.; We have heard some people say that by the time they reach retirement age, they have already shared and lived beautiful moments.; It is up to them to continue those beautiful moments beyond retirement.; Easier said than done!
Unfortunately, however, not all couples can sustain beauty and excitement in their marriage.; When they retire, they fall into a boring pattern of eating, reading the paper, watching television, doing the groceries, visiting with the kids and grandchildren every once in awhile, and repeating that routine until they begin to question if there’s anything else to living.; This routine even becomes more tiresome when couples are financially strapped.; Insufficient resources can sometimes be a factor of boredom in marriage.

Let’s look at some of the possible causes of boredom in marriage:

• Not enough sex (or boring sex)
• Illness and disability
• Inability to age gracefully
• Lack of mutual interests
• Intellectual incompatibility
• Absence of humor
• Social isolation
• No community support
• Dependent adult children
• Insufficient financial resources

If you study these causes, three major categories are apparent:; (a) financial problems (presence of adult children in the home and insufficient financial resources), (b) personality differences (boring sex, aging, lack of mutual interests, incompatibility, absence of humor), (c) external factors (illness and disability, social isolation, no community support).

Boredom in Marriage Due to Financial Problems

We used to know colleagues who were nearing retirement but could not plan for it.; They said that they had to postpone retirement because “we’re still helping our middle aged children financially.; They are always short of cash and my husband and I have no choice but to help in whatever way we can.; Because a portion of our savings has to be shared, my husband and I can’t afford to travel so we can’t really enjoy our lifetime savings.; That has put a strain on our marriage.”;
The era of downsizing and the dire consequences of easy credit have put adult children into a cash crunch, forcing them to turn to their parents for financial assistance.; When a retiring couple postpones retirement because of financial issues, boredom can set in. You figure that after having slaved at a job for 40-45 years, you’re entitled to reap the fruits of your labor.; When your children are financially struggling, self-imposed deprivation can hurt, leading to resentment or boredom.; How do you add spice to the broth when there isn’t enough money to buy the spice?
Instead of traveling and discovering new worlds, husband and wife have to content themselves with local trips; in some instances, even local trips are unaffordable.; Or else, instead of investing in a new sport or hobby, husband and wife have to tighten the purse strings so they can contribute towards the dental braces of their second grandchild.;
This lack of choices and lack of freedom generate boredom.; This also applies to married couples who are still many years away from retirement.; Children’s expenses such as tuition, camp, baby-sitters, extra-curricular activities and school trips eat into the family budget, preventing mother and father from enjoying the finer things in life.; If husband and wife mutually decide to postpone a trip to Europe, that means fewer opportunities for them to share meaningful experiences.

Boredom in Marriage Due to Personality Differences

It is common to hear husbands and wives complain about the lack of intellectual stimulation.; “We’ve grown apart”, one spouse says,;; “he’s into baseball and golf and can’t stop talking about them.; I don’t share any of his interests.; I think golf is utterly boring.”;
Or else you hear a husband say, “I can’t figure out why my wife won’t experiment with me in bed.; I tell her about how sex can add that much needed spark in our marriage but she refuses to try my suggestions.; I’m bored with the same routine and maybe it’s time for me to find a more willing and open-minded partner.”
Sex is a beautiful thing, and couples must make it a priority to make sex a dominant part of their married life.; It’s certainly healthy and can make husband and wife feel closer to one another.; There is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing one’s sexual fantasies – if they help rekindle the old flame, why not act out those fantasies?; Fantasies are a therapy for boredom, especially when these fantasies are shared by two intimate people.
While husband and wife should try to develop mutual interests, they can also leave each other some breathing room to pursue their respective interests and hobbies; this way they avoid “choking” each other by constant togetherness.; Couples need time apart so they can reflect on what makes them happy and on how they can preserve that marriage bliss.

Boredom in Marriage Due to External Factors

The lack of community support and social isolation also lead to boredom, especially when husband and wife do not have large families or when they leave their old neighborhood and relocate to a new city.; It takes time to cultivate friendships, but boredom in marriage can be avoided if couples make it a point to get involved in their community.; The recreational and leisure departments of most city governments have programs for couples, children and seniors.; Reaching out to others helps ward off boredom in marriage.
We remember the good times when our father was still alive.; Even if he was a busy executive, he made sure that he always gave back to the community.; He helped build a church while our mother played the organ in that church so that the choir can perform every Sunday.; At the dinner table, our parents would speak glowingly of their community – how it flourished because of the support it received from committed couples.


source: www.professorshouse.com

The Importance of Time Apart
Emotional Abuse
Falling out of Love